it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
