Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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