i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
she peed on how many people?
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Randomize
