whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
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