After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
