Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
