One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
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