a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
