You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
