So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
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