Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
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