i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Randomize
