DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
