Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
