this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
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