Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
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