I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
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