the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
