Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
