I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
