did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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