can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Randomize
