either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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