I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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