she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Randomize
