im holly from the hills drunk
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
please don't ironically join a cult
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