I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I have aggressive nipples.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
