Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
