i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
