just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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