I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Randomize
