Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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