You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
