i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
