We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
