i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
