I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Randomize