he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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