But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
