I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
