After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
