WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Randomize
