I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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