oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Randomize
