no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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