tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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