i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
