I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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