i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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