Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Randomize