first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
