i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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