Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
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