He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
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