New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
