the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
