Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
