there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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