i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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