im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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