One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
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Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
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I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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