I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
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