Whats the glycemic index on semen?
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
