I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
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