he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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