1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
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