there was a trapeze. enough said
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Randomize
