girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
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If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
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She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
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